It's Thursday, 9/26/13
Do Now: Please read Essay One of the sample essay handed out to you in the beginning of the period. Also read the admission's officer's comment. Then, let's discuss. What did you think.
For Homework tonight, please read Essay Two on this hand out. Write down your thoughts for discussion tomorrow.
Continue working on your College Essay in and out of school.
I will be sitting at the table Conferencing (10 minutes per person max.) The sign up sheet is at the table.
Homework due Monday (Aside from working on your college essay):
Essays that Worked!
Follow the link to a page at Connecticut College's website. This site is unique in that it provides links to college "Essays that Worked." That is, these essays "worked" in getting that student accepted to the school. There are essays from as early as last year, thus the essays are current! Please peruse the essays that "worked" (listed on the right hand of the screen) and write a thoughtful blog post that answers the question, "Why do you think this essay worked?"
In your response be sure to list which student's essay you are responding to.
In your response be sure to list which student's essay you are responding to.
Reading the college essays that "worked" was very informative because it gave insight into what admission counselor are looking for. One that I found very interesting was "The Unathletic Department." I thought this essay portrayed what she feels is important in life in an amusing and unique concept. Although she did not win the swim meet, or even come close to winning, she took a positive outlook from it. She didn't look at seventh place as a loss, but as a constant reminder of her imperfection as a human. She keeps it hanging up, and will for a long time to remind her of what is important in life. I found this essay very successful because she did not write about the normal "I won my game and it made me realize success," yet she wrote about her failure and how it made her the person she is today. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay and if I was an admissions counselor at Johns Hopkins University I would find her at the top of my list for admission.
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department - This essay caught my attention mostly because of its clever title. I like this essay a lot because even though she got 7th place in the swimming competition it shows has she can accept failure. She was able to stay positive and walk away with a smile still on her face. In colleges most people try different things and sometimes they fail. Having a positive attitude and accepting failure is a huge part of being an adult and a good person. I think this essay really shows her voice and personality. I would accept her.
ReplyDeleteThe college essays all got me thinking about how to structure and complete my own. The Musketeer in Me by Vikas, however, stood out to me the most. His use of connecting himself to a hero, even a fictional one, makes him stand out. He also expressed with complete and total belief in his own success in the future throughout the essay by relating himself to the Musketeer. It is also shown that he not only believe in himself, but that a brighter future emerges each and every day. While his personality may be seen as arrogant and reckless, he makes it clear that he will try his hardest. The way he brought out his own voice made him stand out to readers. This is the most important reason the essay worked.
ReplyDeleteOf all the college essays, my favorite one was The Unathletic Department by Meghan. The first thing that I liked was the title; it caught my attention as a person who is also unathletic. I also really enjoyed that the essay highlighted her failure rather than boasting about accomplishments like other college essays. She admits that she was embarassing and is human, imperfect and is proud. Meghan learned that winning isn't everything and to do sports for enjoyment and not competition.
ReplyDeleteDaniel-Undecided
ReplyDeleteThis essay from “Essays that Worked!” worked because Daniel talks about her personality, life experiences, and intents. Daniel talks about how homeschooling education and her parent’s beliefs shaped her personality, providing inside into her development as a child and personality. She continues on to talk about her interests and how she would like to spend her life. She says “There will be dozens of internal debates over my interests. Ill deliberate and dispute…” This shows her intention of seeking out her interests and talents.
I chose to read Undecided by Daniel. This expository was well written. It was clear, concise, and coherent. It was well organized and had a great hook. Even though she clearly states she doesn't have a lot of thought into the future and that she is undecided as to what she wants to major in, she is to impose her personality and characteristics onto the audience. She is able to represent herself and we as the reader can see what type of person she is and how she grew up. This essay worked because it may at first seem ambiguous, but with reading on their is insight into the life of Daniel.
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department- I thought that is essay worked because Meghan put humor into it. Rather than have a very serious essay about how she overcame her swimming failure, she made fun of the fact that she failed. Her ability to make fun of herself shows the admissions officer that she can move on from failure and not let it occupy her life. I also feel that the admissions officer that read her essay probably got a laugh out of it which made it stand out in his/her eyes.
ReplyDeleteI read the unathletic department by Meghan. The "essay worked" because of it catchy title and witty outlook on her surroundings. She shows how she has turned a negative even into a positive in her life. It is fun and involves some important qualities about herself. The admission counselor that read this was able to recognize how Meghan deals with failure. After reading this I realized that it is a good idea to put a twist on your college essay and it might be appreciated by the people reading it. It shows that she will be a successful person in college because she can thrive under extreme highs and extreme lows in her educational career.
ReplyDeleteBy reading all of the college essays that worked I was able to get a better understanding of what the admissions want from those who apply. One essay that I believe "worked" was The Unathletic Department by Meghan. This essay was unique in that it portrayed a positive outlook on life and how everyone is not always perfect. People learn from their mistakes and without failures in your life you wouldn't have anything to push yourself to succeed. I like how she shows her imperfection and that even though she lost she got out of the swimming pool with a smile on her face. This shows that not only in athletics, but also educational wise she will be able to move past the negatives and change them into positve things in her life. The hanging of her blue seventh place ribbon is a reminder of not failure, but human imperfection. If i was the addmission counselor who had read this essay I would have accepted her.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading these essays written by teenagers just like me. I realized that an essay doesn't have to be packed with SAT words to be well written. One of the essays that stood out was The Unathletic Department by Meghan. Not only did the title draw you in but, the topic of her failure being positive. This helped me understand how her failure shaped the person she is today. Even though she didn't set a new recored she was proud she finished all 20 laps. I am too writing about a failure and how I over came that obstacle, so reading this essay certainly helped. If I was an admission advisor and read this essay I would accept her because I understand that she is a mature person who can deal with the real world.
ReplyDelete"Spy" by Elana really captured my attention. First off, the title really grabbed me in because the idea of a spy is quite abstract considering you rarely hear of spies. What I think worked in her story was her descriptiveness. I could imagine a little girl trying to squeeze herself into a little box just to spy on her brother and his friends. I love how she says "hairy ankles" because that puts a clear and realistic image in my head. Also, her outgoing character isn't seen in her grades but her essay really shows it.
ReplyDelete"The Unathletic Department" by Meghan is one of the essays that I enjoyed reading. For starters, the title caught my attention and made me want to read the full essay. I think this essay worked because she highlighted certain characteristics that you need to succeed in life such as her ability to overcome failure and to laugh at her own mistakes. Though she came in last place and threw her arms up in the air as if she won, she did not get overly embarrassed. I feel that this essay worked because she made a personal connection with the admission advisor and showed characteristics that schools look for in a good student.
ReplyDeleteI read the essay "Undecided" by Daniel. This essay stood out to me because while Daniel revealed that he did not have a clear career path for his future, he was able to express himself to the college in other ways. Daniel introduced himself to the college by telling about his upbringing and his hobbies rather than telling the college what he wanted to go to school for there. It was a short essay that got to the point, and at the same time allowed the reader at the college to figure out Daniel's personality. This essay showed me that not all the time do colleges want to see your view of your future, but instead also accept applicants based on how they express their personality and life interests.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading all of the Johns Hopkins essays that worked, I believe the essay titled "The Unathletic Department" was perhaps the most interesting. The simple message of having a positive outlook on life made this essay strong. Not only does it display an important message, but it also describes to the college admissions counselor the kind of person she is: determined and strong. The essay describes her willingness to accept failure because it made her the person she is today. She realizes that imperfection is part of being human, and she is able to deal with it. The lesson is described in the essay when the author discusses her blue 7th place ribbon from a swim meet. Although she came in last place, she was able to smile at the moment and accept it.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading "The Unathletic Department", I was intrigued by the angle taken by the author. I liked how she made a negative aspect of her life not only into a positive memory, but something to encourage her to pursue her future goals. I also liked how the author used the color of the ribbon to symbolize how if she covered up the seven, it was as if she was first, explaining that life moves on and she can continue to live and learn. Lastly, I was very impressed with how she allowed the essay about one specific event to show her attitude toward life. She showed us through this experience the positive outlook she has on her future endeavors and how she can bounce back from tough times.
ReplyDeleteI read "Undecided" by Daniel. I felt that this essay was short, but at the same time it was able to get to the point and do a good job of showing the person he is. The essay allowed the reader to see how he became more mature over the years and what his inspirations were. I also liked the fact that he says he will explore different areas until he comes in contact with something he will enjoy for the rest of his life. Overall the essay shows his personality and what his intentions were for the future.
ReplyDeleteThe college essays I read were all different. Some about success, failure, some were bland while others got me thinking. One of the essays that really stood out was, "The Unathletic Department," written by Meghan. In life we face many challenges that seem impossible to overcome but we do it. Not every victory is noticed, but you win a battle everyday. Not everyone can get up from their failures and say I'm still standing here, and if you're able to say that then you are stronger then you were the day before. Meghan's essay proves that failures in life are what make you who you are. This essay worked because she was able to connect with the admissions advisor with a truthful story which showed her ability to laugh at herself smile at her mistakes and move on. She embodied the characteristics an admission advisor looks for in a student.
ReplyDeleteI read "The Unathletic Department" by Meghan. I believe that this essay "worked" because the author was able to successfully describe a memory in her life that allowed the admissions councilor to gain an insight into who the writer really is. From the first sentence of the essay, the author is able to grab the readers attention, and make them curious as to what the essay is going to be about. She was able to take a negative moment in her life, and turn it into something positive, highlighting a weakness, she was still able to give an in depth look into her personality. Meghan's essay was enjoyable to read, and gave a different perspective than the typical college essay. She did a great job at getting her point across, while still making the essay interesting.
ReplyDeleteThe Musketeer in Me- Vikas
ReplyDeleteI think he wrote a really good essay. He was very descriptive and gave me a good image of who he relates to and who he wants to be in life. By him creating a story about the character, it gives me a good sense of his personality. By him relating to a Musketeer, it gives me the idea that he is a strong minded person, a genuine personality, and is a very devoted friend. It seems like he would do anything for his friends and family and that's what colleges like to see. Also, he really drags the reader in with an interesting hook and a great closing statement that really make the reader think.
I read the Unathletic Department by Meghan. I believed this essay was well written and really showed the true character of the writer. I agree one hundred percent with Meghan in means of not taking things too serious. She took something that was a failure in the eyes of others and made it into a life lesson. She used humor to connect with the reader and lighten the mood of the college essay. Anyone who reads this essay can love Meghan for the way she celebrated thinking she was in first while she was last. Her failure taught her to move on in life and not focus on the negatives. She finished dead last but the races kept going. She gave it her all and that's all she cared about. Meghan was very creative when producing her essay.
ReplyDeleteI believe that "The Unathletic Department" was accepted because it was very well written, yet easy to follow. However, what really stood out was the fact that she was able to put a good spin on what many people would be ashamed of. Some people view the glass half empty, while others view it half full. Meghan is clearly a person who views the glass as half full. The reader is able to understand that it's okay to laugh at yourself sometimes. Many people would be embarrassed if they did what she did, but she wasn't embarrassed because she was able to laugh. She not only taught herself life lessons after finishing in 7th place, she is able to show the reader that they are not alone. She proves that the situation is what you make of it and clearly Meghan is able to make bad situations into better ones. That's why this essay worked.
ReplyDeleteI think that these essays worked because they were honest. The writers were themselves, and weren’t trying to be overly fancy or impressive. They were well written, and got the point across. In the “Unathletic Department” Meghan wrote about failure. She was able to truly write about herself, not sugar coat anything, and still be sophisticated enough. They all had strong voices and showed the college who they really were.
ReplyDeleteAfter I read "The Unathletic Department," I was inspired. After struggling to choose a topic that could really work for about a week, Meghan has 'shown me the light'. Now, back to the analysis. Meghan, the writer of "The Unathletic Department," took a very unique approach to the college essay. She decided to take a perceived negative moment of her life and turn it 180 degrees. I found it fascinating how she was able to muster up such a light-hearted and generally positive tone while writing about a seemingly bad experience. In particular, I loved the way she used the ribbon as a metaphor to show how 'life goes on'. Focusing in on one specific experience and using it to describe oneself as a person seems like a strong option for the college essay.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading the Undecided essay, I found that the essay seemed to work well in the way it was written. The author spoke with a descriptive tone, but didn't get too descriptive and ramble on. The writer seemed to speak as himself instead of someone trying to make an impression. I liked that the reader was honest about being unsure on what he wants to do with the rest of his life. He didm't try to dance around his decision.
ReplyDeleteThese essays worked because they described an interesting part or event of the applicants' lives that made them who they are. They were able to add humor to their essays through clever writing, which brought their story to life. They described very interesting things about themselves that gave the readers a better understanding of who they are. The essays help show what kind of person is writing these essays by showing them a piece of their lives. The style of writing was very well done making the stories enjoyable, while gaining knowledge of the writer.
ReplyDeleteI read "The Unathletic Department". I think this essay was successful because the title hooks the reader in. This essay exhibits a certain failure in this persons life. However this person makes the best of the experience by looking at it differently than most would. It teaches the reader that it's how your outlook is, not everyone elses. I think this essay has a perfect amount of humor mixed with a life lesson that altered this persons way of thinking. I think the reader can definitely learn a thing or two from this well developed essay.
ReplyDeleteI read "A Home Destroyed". The first thing that i liked about this essay was the title. the title of the essay really caught my eye when i was breazing through the accepted essays. Thtats good because then it makes the reader read the piece because they want to not because they have to. In the first few lines the author uses extremely discriptive similies and comparisons to descripe the sunset on the horizon. this intense discription and word choise really sets an image in the mind of the reader.
ReplyDeleteI read " The Unathletic Department". I believe that this was a successful college essay. The essay had a good hook and that the person went through a failure but madevit a positive experience. She made it funny and light even though it was a negative experience.
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ReplyDeleteI read "The Unathletic Department". The first thing that caught my eye was the title. It was catchy and from just reading that, I could tell what the person's essay was going to be about. I also liked the hook the writer used in their introduction because it got my attention and made me want to continue reading. The author did not use a large amount of description, however, they used humor to show how they turned a negative experience in their life into a positive experience. From reading this essay, I am aware of many personality traits and qualities the writer holds, and that is extremely important in a college essay.
ReplyDelete"Spy" by Elana was very interesting. This essay had the reader at the edge of their seat waiting to see what was going to happen next. When she talks about how she is hiding and looking through a tiny pep-hole, Elana displays to the reader her adventurous life style. Even before she spies on her brother, she is doing jumping jacks and moving around to “warm up her limbs.” Her activeness and ability to work through a task also can be portrayed through her essay. This essay works because Elana shows parts of her personality and her will to take a risk which is something that cannot be seen in a transcript.
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department- I thought that is essay worked because Meghan put humor into it. Rather than have a very serious essay about how she overcame her swimming failure, she made fun of the fact that she failed. She poked fun at herself and that shows maturity. She has clearly learned from this experience and the people reading this essay will not only laugh but see the value in the failure.
ReplyDeleteI read the Unathletic Department. I believe this essay was very successful due to its added humor and creativity.By joking about her failure she was able to catch the reader’s attention while also showing off her writing skills. By doing this it not only showed maturity but also shows how she learned from her failure.In the essay she explained how she turned a negative even into a positive in her life. The essay is fun to read and shows many important qualities about herself.
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department- I believe this was a successful college essay because it has a great hook that grabs the readers attention and makes you want to continue to read it. Also along with that it is humorous but also tells her about her life and defines her as person which is great qualities of a college essay
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department- this was a successful college essay because it keeps the reader interested. There was humor in this essay but also maturity added. You can tell how she learned from failing and made a difference from it. She was able to express herself while getting her point through. This is a stand out essay
ReplyDeleteThe Unathletic Department- I think that this essay was successful because of how it draws the reader in and keeps them entertained. She is able to poke fun at herself and joke around but at the same time there is a seriousness to her piece in that she shows her maturity and the lesson she has taken from her experience. She tell the reader about how she never let the negatives in this event get to her, instead she turned it into a positive learning experience.
ReplyDeleteI read The Unathletic Department. I think this essay was successful because of its introduction. It was very strong and had a great hook that made the reader want to read on. Also it was successful because the author showed some humor by making fun of herself and her swimming ability. She showed how one can have a positive perspective on such a negative experience.
ReplyDeleteI read the Unathletic Department. This was a very strong essay. I could visualize every second of it with all of the use of descriptive language. I know what that losing feeling feels like and this writer described it perfectly. I found it amazing how the writer gained so much from such a negative experience. That I feel is what put this person's essay over the top.
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